July 22nd, 2010
Real Game Labels Real Journalist a Real Bullshitter
Having uncovered a sick and vile electronic video computer game based upon the tragic series of events surrounding Raoul Moat’s death, a much-loved journalist has come under scrutiny by game addicts who claim he simply made up the story and is “a contemptible moron with no semblance of journalistic integrity or responsibility”.
Clearly vexed by this incredible man’s ability to expose another repulsive and totally secret piece of trash; these joy-pad junkies have fired up their ‘overnight video computer electronical creatifying machine’ and rapidly produced a real game that calls into question this man’s role within the British press. Pathetic.
It has recently been announced that ZeniMax Media, publishers of harmless frolic filled family games such as AMF! Bowling Pinbusters Wii and AMF! Bowling Pinbusters DS, have bought the notorious id software studios. Having rose to prominence in the early 90s for creating a slew of appallingly violent and tasteless games for the PC. Games like Doom and Wolfenstein 3D were often in the headlines for their violent content, gore and satanic imagery. Now this mild mannered and unassuming publisher sees fit to purchase this awful company; ultimately does this mean that games involving Nazis and chainsawing people up the jacksie could be coming to your child’s Wii or DS?
Our premiere inductee to 
Once again we provide you with a page containing information about the upcoming releases of digital interactive filth. At the moment we only have this one page, this is due to the fact that it’s the only one we manage to tear out before the shop owner had a go at us. It’ll be a cold day in hell before I give any of my money to anything affiliated with the games industry. Even if it is for research against it.
We apologise for our extended absence from this vital news blog, I’m well aware that literally thousands of you were probably lost without our sage advice. This absence isn’t without due cause; myself and one of my close friends, Audrey, have been involved in a fierce legal battle with video game developers Ba-Boon! Studios. This judicial embroilment emerged after an incident in which Audrey’s son, high on cocaine, repeatedly slapped and verbally insulted a police horse.
You may have heard of the Nintendo DS, as far as game systems go it’s fairly innocuous. Instead of mindlessly shooting aliens, you do useful things like train your brain with Patrick Stewart related trivia or count Nicole Kidman’s money. But a new iteration of the system, the DSi, is set to destroy its predecessor’s reputation as a nice system for nice people. New features present in the DSi make a veritable Swiss army knife for child predators, suggests a breaking new 
New research claims that those who play violent video games eventually become indifferent to the pain and suffering of others. Useful as it is, we find this quite unsurprising. For years we’ve known that in fact those who play violent video games actually become cold hearted, deranged and blood thirsty killers.
In a bid to keep our mild mannered readers safe we have scanned the preview page of a recent video games magazine. These previews show only a fraction of the soon-to-be-released horrors that will soon be swamping the shelves of your local Dixons. Familiarise yourself with the names and start thinking up puns for the picket signs.
Grand Theft Auto, a diabolical collection of words that would make any upstanding citizen wince or vomit as they felt the ounces of morality decay at the mere utterance of the name. True to form the series is building upon its nauseating reputation by releasing an online expansion pack that contains the most horrifying imagery known to man, flaccid male genitalia.